The Train

Outer blog: I have made many mistakes while traveling, but never so quickly as I did with the train. I boarded at night in my day clothes, soft ripped blue jeans, a cotton shirt that smelled of the days work I had put in, a purple hoodie that snuggled my arms just right and encapsulated heat perfectly, finished up by my comfortable pink and black trail running shoes covered in splashes of mud from my daily runs. Who cares though? There are bathrooms on the train to change into my pajamas, so why change before we board? Oh how I was wrong in thinking it would be so easy. If you have never seen a train bathroom or changed clothes in one, please let me enlighten you on the experience. Standing in a brightly lit hallways of bathroom doors I stood, the train swaying and shaking around me, holding my soft pjs in my hands I hoped a bathroom would come open quickly. The bathroom would be my salvation from the unsteady movements and the intimates I was holding for the people passing by to see. I heard the clang of a door open and believed my salvation had been found. Upon entering this cavernous room I discovered it to be much smaller than expected, my knees touched the toilet rim as I squeezed the cold metal door behind my back. The smell of the room resembled that of an airplane, being wafted by the faint scent of urine. The counter space was even less than that of a plane. Changing into my pjs felt like what I imagine rolling over in a coffin would feel like. I was cramped, uncomfortable and restricted as opposed to when coming home from work and having the free space to move and change. Finally after a few bangs of my elbows into the walls and a few "oope I'm going over moments" I felt my gray sweats and old t-shirt align how they should, and off to bed in my chair I went, never to forget "you don't change on trains".

Inner Journey: Leaving home always brings some fears and anxiety. Sitting here on a train that's whisking me far away from home is causing an increasing level of mixed emotions. The farther from home, my dog and the comforts of a familiar place, the higher the anxiety rises. The lack of comfort on the train has not helped much either. From the bright hallway lights, to the tight bathroom accommodations, to being surrounded by new people I have realized I was wildly unprepared for a seventeen hour trip. I should have brought an eye mask, I should have packed the things I really need into my large purse instead of my carry on, I should have inspected bathroom accommodations before choosing which one to change in. Even though all these new changes and inconveniences are causing anxiety, the thought of getting closer to our new destination is creating a growing feel of excitement. I'm feeling excited to meet new people, explore new foods and to learn about and experience a culture that has such a rich background. One of the major influences in controlling my anxiety right now is the people I'm surrounded by. Being able to express my nervousness and hesitations has helped me realize it's okay to have these feeling, but to not let them trump the excitement. To not let it hold me back from exploring new places and learning new things. One of the major things I have learned on this train is the benefit of taking solace in friends, new and old.